Awhile back I was asked why I like to write so much, at the time I gave what was probably the most generic answer; because I love it.
The truth is there are many reasons why I like to write.
I stutter so I don’t really like to speak very much. It comes out when I feel passion for something, when I’m tired, when I’m nervous, when I read out loud, or any ole time it feels like. It’s not as bad as the stuttering bible salesman, it’s more of I just can’t get the word out. My throat closes, then I get embarrassed and frustrated, and then it all goes downhill from there. Most times I am okay and you would never know that I have it. When I write there is no stutter, it’s the only way I can get my feelings out.
Writing also allows me to exercise my demons. It also helps me to spread God’s message in a way that is more comfortable for me.
I would have to say though that my fear of Alzheimer’s is why I like to write so much. I have lost three people this year to that disease. One was my Godmother who was not related by blood but by love and marriage, another was my mom’s dad, and the other was my dad’s mom. I have a greater chance of developing it because of it being on both sides of my family. It doesn’t help that I smoke and the only exercise I get is running my behind off at work.
I write everything down so when I start to lose my memory I will be able to look back at it and see who I was and who I became. I will be able to remember that I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am so scared of forgetting and so I write everything down; so much that I should probably buy stock in post-it notes. Sometimes I make jokes about my memory and my fear of Alzheimer’s but it is not a laughing matter.
My fear reminds me to live each day like it could be the last one that I remember and to write down everything that happened before I lay my head down each night.
I always try to look back on the past year and then decide what to name it.
A lot happened in 2012
I loved unconditionally and then I was devastated when it didn’t work out.
I lost three family members this year to Alzheimer’s and heart problems. My godmother, my mother’s dad, and my dad’s mom. When my grandmother passed in August though I was able to reconnect with family that I hadn’t seen in years and I was blessed for that. I also left my true home in Texas and moved back to the only other home I knew; Oregon. What a change that has been.
Towards the end of the year I discovered that I could be forgiven for all my sins and I asked Jesus to come into my heart and a month later I made a public declaration of my faith and love for Him. I almost lost my sister forever but He intervened and now we talk and are working to repair the relationship we each had a hand in destroying. I learned to have faith in God and that my wants and needs don’t always line up with what He knows I need. I learned that my writing is a gift from Him and through it I am able to spread His message.
This year has been full of learning, growth, some sadness, some happiness, and a whole lotta faith. I think though that this will be the year of learning.
I learned how to fully trust someone besides myself
I learned how to say goodbye
I learned how to reconnect
I learned how to forgive
I learned how to be forgiven
I learned how to have faith
I’m still working on learning a lot of new things and look forward to this new year. So hopefully this time next year I’ll be writing this and I’ll decide to name 2013 the year of growth because I’ve got a lot of growing to do.
Another thing I have learned is that things really do happen for a reason we just don’t always see it.
How many of you have spent the days after Christmas or even New Years Eve night deciding what your resolutions for the new year will be? I know I have; plenty of times. Most times I couldn’t even remember them the next day. A lot of people make the mistake of having too lofty of a resolution or having way too many. Another mistake that is made is that you may be making resolutions for things that really don’t matter. I know we all want to lose that extra 5 lbs, quit smoking, stop swearing, save more money, and countless other things but how important are they really if you can’t keep the promise that you made to yourself for more than a few days? You need to set a goal that is achievable and something you truly and wholeheartedly desire or you will never make it through 21 days let alone a year.
This year my resolutions are to:
1. Read the whole bible and write about each book and what I learned.
2. Write each day and spread His word in every way I can, even if no one wants to read my posts.
3. Put everything in His hands, even when I think I know better. This will be the best way for me to walk with Him daily.
4. Actively look for a way to improve my writing and then hopefully I can reach more people; also I would like to get paid for it even though I know I shouldn’t gain financially from a God given gift.
These are my goals, or resolutions, or whatever you want to call them, for 2013. To some they may seem like they are pretty lofty or there’s too many, but to me, they seem just right. These are goals that are achievable and what I truly and wholeheartedly desire. Walking with Christ has got to be the most hardest thing I have ever done while at the same time the easiest. It is the most rewarding and the most inspiring so why wouldn’t I want to expand my knowledge of Him and dedicate my life to Him?
I hope y’all will stick to your resolutions and if there is anything that I can do to help, please do not hesitate to ask. Have a safe and happy new years and hugs to y’all when the ball drops.
Yesterday I lost a little bit of faith in humanity. My heart aches for what we as a society have become. We are so selfish that we care more about getting help to be rung up in store than we do about an elderly woman lying hurt in the middle of an aisle less than twenty feet from us. We are inconvenienced by her and feel she doesn’t rate higher than us. Around 2pm yesterday I witnessed this with my own eyes and I am just so sick and heartbroken that I can’t even think straight.
It makes me question if this society can ever be saved. I know that not everyone is like this and that there are a lot of good people around but the bad ones stick out more. I wish that I could do something to change the world we live in but I am also realistic in the fact that it has to come from many not just one, but where does one start?
There is so many things that I see that need to be fixed that it is overwhelming and I can’t even think of where to start.
Being kind is the easiest and for most requires little effort but its not enough. We can donate money to organizations that help others but then people that really don’t need the help take advantage of it and ruin it for all.
There is a part of me that wants to give up on this society and help elsewhere where people would be grateful but then that just makes me a bad person and a quitter. Remember, charity starts at home. If you start an organization to help people how do you tell the difference from the people that need help from the ones that are there to take advantage? Who are we to judge them and that is hard for me because I am guilty of judging others. I judge others all the time even though I know we are not supposed to. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I’m trying to be better but it’s harder to stop that than it is to stop swearing.
I have always had a strong desire to help others but I kept quiet about it because I was told there wasn’t anything I could do to change it and that it wasn’t my problem. With having faith and a love for God I am able to finally speak up and I am not afraid to say what I feel, or rather write what I feel. Most times it’s hard for me to get a point across because I have so much that I want to say and it’s new for me to speak up. It’s a definitely a learning process.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
There is so much on my heart lately I can’t even begin to name them all. These verses speak to me because of those in my heart. They are confused, torn, hurt, and unable to think clearly. I feel for them because I am right there too. I pray for guidance to help them and to let God guide my words when I speak/write. I pray He continues to work through me and that I can be a blessing to them in their time of need.
I’ve been reading the book of Matthew because it talks about the birth of our Savior. Working in a retail environment I witness so many going against what Jesus says for us to do. The bible is the greatest instruction manual ever written yet people discard it as they do the ones that come with their tv’s and then complain when they can’t get it to work correctly.
In Matthew 6:19-20 we are told:
Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where they can be eaten by moths and get rusty, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where they will never become moth-eaten or rusty and where they will be safe from thieves.
I see countless people overspending on their children and watching the child cry when it’s not enough. I can’t lie, I’ve overspent and spoiled my daughter and I’ve suffered for it.
Now I’m learning how to walk with God and my eyes and heart are opened.
If people would get away from the commercialism of Christmas and spoiling their children this holiday would be better but we have taught our children that they are entitled to receiving these expensive gifts. We have taught them this through our own selfish wants and needs. We are following false idols and being of the world instead of being of Christ. Follow Christ and walk with him daily. Teach your children about God and the love He has for us. Christmas is about the birth of our Savior not overdrawing your checking account to buy your seven year old an iPad.
Some say that it is hard to have faith or to keep their faith when times are hard. I wish they would realize that when times are at their hardest, that’s when your faith should be at its strongest. It’s called “testing your faith” for a reason. God will also not give us more than what we can handle.
A great friend of mine has this quote from C.S. Lewis as his signature on his email:
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”
This is the best way I have seen to describe the word FAITH.
To try to explain it to someone who doesn’t have a relationship with Christ is difficult. How do you explain a word that has so many meanings? It’s an action, a feeling, a trust, and it is a daily way of life.
Having faith in God’s love and plans for us when we are struggling is like when your are on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean during a perfect storm and out of nowhere there is a light in the darkness. You take a leap of faith and go towards it because you have better chance of being saved if you are surrounded by light than if you were to stay in the darkness of a sinking ship.
My own faith gets tested everyday but I believe that He loves me and would not allow me to feel the way I do, go through the things I have gone through if there wasn’t a greater reason for it.
I have experienced pain and joy. I have loved unconditionally and been broken hearted by it. I know the sheer blessing of having a child; watching her grow daily into a beautiful, loving, and creative young woman. Unfortunately I also know what it is like to not have one through my own mistakes and selfishness. Through these my faith has grown stronger and lately it has been tested more but I trust in Him and that if it is in His will then I will be rewarded when my faith collides with His promises
Day 25 of the greatness of our Savior
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
Today is the day our Savior and our redeemer was born. Without Him there will be no salvation. So remember today as you sit with your family and friends that today is not about the gifts you receive from them or the ones you gave to them. It is about the gift we received from God.
Merry Christmas to all of my family and friends I love you all very much