Awhile back I was asked why I like to write so much, at the time I gave what was probably the most generic answer; because I love it.
The truth is there are many reasons why I like to write.
I stutter so I don’t really like to speak very much. It comes out when I feel passion for something, when I’m tired, when I’m nervous, when I read out loud, or any ole time it feels like. It’s not as bad as the stuttering bible salesman, it’s more of I just can’t get the word out. My throat closes, then I get embarrassed and frustrated, and then it all goes downhill from there. Most times I am okay and you would never know that I have it. When I write there is no stutter, it’s the only way I can get my feelings out.
Writing also allows me to exercise my demons. It also helps me to spread God’s message in a way that is more comfortable for me.
I would have to say though that my fear of Alzheimer’s is why I like to write so much. I have lost three people this year to that disease. One was my Godmother who was not related by blood but by love and marriage, another was my mom’s dad, and the other was my dad’s mom. I have a greater chance of developing it because of it being on both sides of my family. It doesn’t help that I smoke and the only exercise I get is running my behind off at work.
I write everything down so when I start to lose my memory I will be able to look back at it and see who I was and who I became. I will be able to remember that I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am so scared of forgetting and so I write everything down; so much that I should probably buy stock in post-it notes. Sometimes I make jokes about my memory and my fear of Alzheimer’s but it is not a laughing matter.
My fear reminds me to live each day like it could be the last one that I remember and to write down everything that happened before I lay my head down each night.