This is the story of how I asked Jesus to come into my heart. Y’all have read my testimony so you know my greatest personal sin was that I was selfish and murdered my child by having an abortion. Pro- Choicers don’t call it that, they call it a woman’s right to choose. It is not. It’s murder plain and simple. There is no other word for it. On October 5th of 2012 my friend and I were texting back and forth that morning about a Matthew West song called The Motions, then he brought up one of his new ones called Forgiveness. His favorite part was when he says “Even when the jury and the judge say its okay to hold a grudge, it’s that voice inside that says to set it free, forgiveness”. This got me thinking about what had been on my heart for so long. The following is my statement and his response:
Me: Forgiveness is a hard thing to ask for especially when you feel you don’t deserve it and never will.
Michael: I have a sermon about that, just something I heard. To sum it up by the grace of god we are redeemed, God does not want us living in misery, he forgives whatever we ask for. As long as it comes from a passionate heart. Plus forgivness is a gift we give ourselves if we have sinned against someone else. Even if they don’t forgive you the act of admittance allows us to free ourselves from the chains that have bound us. By surrendering your sin to God. If you know you will never attempt to repeat the sin, then you can begin to release yourself from your bonds. It still may take awhile to heal and you may always feel separation, but as you pray for healing from that, time will cure that as well. Forgiveness covers all transgressions, time makes us realize the truth behind forgiveness. Healing comes through faith.
Later that night we were discussing abortion and I asked if that could ever be forgiven. I had looked it up before but hadn’t felt ready to be forgiven. I hadn’t punished myself enough. Every day I punished myself, it was never ending. I can not remember his words but essentially he told me the same thing he had texted me earlier. Something clicked and I finally accepted that I could be forgiven. I got down on my knees and talked to God. I spent over an hour just talking to Him and towards the end when I said the words that I accept Him, that I believe He sent His Son to die for us, that I am a sinner, and I want to live my life for Him I had this sense of peace just draped over me. Michael says that it was The Holy Spirit coming into me. I believe it was Him wrapping His arms around me and comforting me like my mom and grandma used to when I was little.
I regret the decisions I made but I probably would not have come to Christ the way I did if they hadn’t happened. God gave me free will to make the choices I did but like any parent He forgives us when we admit to Him that we made the wrong one. Sometimes we have to be broken down to get built up and become new again. You can be forgiven. You just have to ask for it and believe with all of your heart. You also will have to make changes in your life. You will need to do your absolute best to stop sinning. We are not perfect and God understands that; He loves us anyways. You will need to come out of the darkness and start being a light.